Monday, July 7, 2008

Moving: Part II: Decisions

The move has been odd. My family and I are currently in our new home, and I am trying to get all of the boxes unpacked and things set up in the house. It is weird to take something out of a box and decide "That goes there, forever." Now I know that I could move the pasta to a new cabinet if I decide that I don't like the location, but it feels very permanent out of a box and into a new home.

I have never really moved before. I lived with my parents, then I left for college and lived with my uncle. All I had to move then was a carload of clothes and some knick-knacks. Then my husband and I moved into an apartment, and I just shifted things over a few blocks. When we bought a house, we bought the furniture we needed, and so it didn't really feel like moving, since we didn't have a place and affection for the items before.

This move has been strange. We have had to decide the layout of the baby's room, the positioning of the office, which bathroom gets the most towels; all of these decisions present a dilemma for me. I don't know how to make small decisions. I had someone to do that for me for my whole life, up to about one week ago.

My sister helped me decide how to do laundry, how to organize my wardrobe, what to make for dinner, and how to pack.

Now that I have moved, I do not have my sister's constant advice. I call her, sure, and she gives me a piece of her mind. But her physical presence is what motivated me. Now I am wandering around trying to picture her wagging her finger at me. I miss her greatly.

I am also feeling a bit juvenile. I moved closer to my father and step-mother, and all of the old feelings about being a step-child are rising to the surface. It took one visit from them to send me back to the days of being 13 and striving to be noticed by my father. Many of my decisions about how to set up my house also seem to find their way back to "What will Dad think of this?" That is not how I want to spend the next decade of my life.

I have to decide to be happy for me. I have to focus on my (and my family's) needs and decide how to live my life. I still love advice, but I need to let go of the fear of judgment.

So I begin by saying, Amanda, I will put the Elvis picture wherever I want to.

2 comments:

  1. Michele, You are a beautiful, lovely, and capable person. I know that you have the ability to do anything you want; just look at all that you've accomplished! You can put that pasta and Elvis on the ceiling if you want to! (just make sure Judy can see him) In the grand scheme of things; no one will care as long as YOU like it! Love, you know who! XXOO

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  2. Wait, did I just hear an invitation to boss you around? Sweet. Don't worry about where stuff goes. You can always re-arrange. Maybe you can have things one way when you and dad are getting along, and if he is getting on your nerves, you can move things in a way that you know would bother him. You have so much freedom! And if you have too much freedom, you can call me for a bossiness consultation. I love ya sis.

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Farmington, NM, United States
Old enough to know better, young enough to change.