Thursday, July 5, 2007

Independence Hangover

We ate burnt artichoke chicken sausages and salmon. We lit legal and illegal fireworks in my front yard. The dogs shivered in the darkened bathroom. We celebrated our independence.

I spent the evening angry at my husband. When we went to buy the fireworks he gawked at a Red Bull promo girl. Now, I am aware that my husband is only human, but I am also pregnant. I am only going to get bigger for several more months, and after that who knows what my body will look like. I was mostly mad because he could not understand why my feelings were hurt.

Then I got mad at myself. Here I am, attempting to create a human being, and I am concerned about my sexiness. How selfish. Then my anger turned to the media. Look at all of the sexy mothers-to-be on TV. Angelina was hotter as a pregnant woman than I could ever be, and I am trying to hold myself up to some strange standard. Not to mention that Angelina now looks as if she may be battling an eating disorder.

So I stopped being pissed. I started thinking about the health of myself and the baby. I started to feel sorry for those who always feel that frantic "I'm not good enough" feeling that I had for an evening. I began to be grateful that I have enough money to eat plenty of healthy food during my pregnancy. I was able to sleep soundly.

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Farmington, NM, United States
Old enough to know better, young enough to change.