Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The time has come.

I am currently in labor. It is likely that by the end of the day I will have a child in my life. Please send me interesting tidbits about this day, December 19th, so that I may pass them on to my daughter.

Update: I went into labor at 4:00 am on Wednesday. I endured approximately 22 hours of labor including 5 hours of pushing. My daughter Judith was born at 5:13 am on December 20th through cesarean section.

She was worth every second.

Update: Here's a picture of Judith. I think she's adorable, but I'm biased.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

When I Grow Up...

After reading this exquisite post at Kate Harding's Shapely Prose, I decided that I want to make a list of things that I plan to complete. I've never been a "someday" planner, but I think that I would benefit from some future gazing. Here are some things that I wish to accomplish soon (5 years?).

1. Begin speaking Spanish (I know how to read it, but I am nervous about my accent).
2. Get my Masters.
3. Finish a short story and (attempt to?)get it published.
4. Go skydiving with my father.
5. Participate in some sort of recreational sport (volleyball, or maybe softball).

Now, I think that it is equally important that I toot my horn for the things I have accomplished.

1. I am currently pregnant (4 weeks to go).
2. Toured Spain (in high school).
3. Received a BA in Education.
4. Got a job (weeks after graduation).
5. Purchased a home (with a loan that is manageable).

Good for me. Now I need to make an "action plan" or something.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007


...gers! It is Halloween and I am sick. This sucks. I got all stuffy and runny this weekend, so I thought it was just allergies. Then it turned into a really sore throat, and then there was toxic waste expelled in coughs. Now I have been ordered to stay home until Friday, and I want to do something fun for Halloween, but I can hardly get out of bed. Poor me.

I know this is too much to whine about, but this is my last Halloween before motherhood, and so I was hoping for some fun. I guess I'll just stay home and hand out candy, but that even gets boring, because hardly any kids trick-or-treat in my neighborhood.

I hope all of you have a fun and safe Halloween, and I hope that you have inventive costumes (read: nothing that begins with "Sexy..."). Share your stories here so that I may live vicariously through you. I will spend the day getting caught up on some reading and hopefully carve a pumpkin.


Saturday, September 29, 2007

Gratitude Guilt

My sister is throwing me a baby shower. I am so excited about it. It is a tea party, and she is going to great lengths to make it beautiful. She hand-made the invitations and maps, she has shopped at every thrift and antique store for interesting tea cups and saucers, she has researched recipes and how to brew the perfect cup of tea. She has prodded me for addresses and lists of activities that I will not endure at a party. She is a true gift.

I feel nervous, because I feel like I will not be able to be as obsessive as her when it is her turn. I am notoriously laid back, and I feel like equal craziness will be required from me for her (eventual) shower. How do I muster up such obsession?

I am sure that my sister won't care, and will in fact take over planning for her own shower, but I still have this weird pre-guilt feeling. How bizarre is that? In the meantime, I am trying to think of a gift to give her for doing all of this. If any of you have ideas to give the hostess of your baby shower, please send them along.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Don't bring the Kids.

Thanks to PortlyDyke all five of my readers can now be clear on what type of audience I am trying to reach.

Coming soon, to a desktop near you!!! Explosions! Sex! Violence! Nipples! Witty duos! Don't miss the blockbuster thriller of the blogs!

Friday, August 31, 2007

Baby Weight

So, the six readers that I have know that I am pregnant. I haven't talked about it much, but this week I feel a need.

I went to get a checkup this week, and I got a new midwife. My previous midwife is out on maternity leave for the remainder of my pregnancy, and she was really great, so I am sad.

My first appointment with the new midwife was stressful for several reasons. It takes me 20 minutes to get to the clinic (including a traffic allowance), and I left my house 40 minutes early (to allow for paperwork and a quick pee). I was stuck in traffic for 45 minutes. I was ten minutes late to the appointment. Being late stresses me out, especially now that I am pregnant. I hate tardiness. Hate it. A lot. So I walked in the door, hating myself.

Once I got in, I was weighed. This doesn't bother me, as I am a convert to the teachings of Kate Harding and The Rotund. So I got on the scale and was comfortable with my new number and I sat patiently waiting for the new midwife.
She came in and asked the formal questions, and then spent the whole visit talking about my weight gain. I have gained weight, during pregnancy. Le Gasp!!! She then started asking me questions about what I eat, and my exercise regime. She did not ask me if I smoke or drink (I don't), and I hear tell that those habits are way more detrimental to the health of a fetus than eating. Then she pointed at my stretch marks on my stomach as if that were evidence of poor eating habits. Guess what? I have had stretch marks since I was in the 5th grade. When I weighed less than 100 pounds I had stretch marks. They are hormonal!!!

So now she wants me to do a 3 day diet audit. I am torn about how to do it. I have three ideas:
1. Go to my uber-healthy three day veggie and grilled chicken/fish/beef diet.
2. Change absolutely nothing.
3. Change nothing, but report three days of nothing but fried chicken and pizza.

All of these have equally satisfying results for me, but I feel that only one will get her to shut the fuck up.

And the kicker? She is fat. And not pregnant. I am fat, but I'm also pregnant. Diets are bad anytime, but especially during pregnancy. And she did not consider that I might be recovering from an eating disorder, or that being fat shamed might send me into a depressive state. Both scenarios are not ideal for a healthy pregnancy. She also didn't consider that I might not care about being fat during pregnancy (or ever), or that I am as heavy now as I was this time last year. Hmmm...maybe I am fucking healthy.

But I definitely am fat.

On a more positive pregnancy note, my baby is very active. And she loves my voice! :)

Sunday, August 26, 2007


I am a bad blogger. While the Prez is favorably comparing Vietnam to Iraq, I have been neglecting my writing and reading. I am so far behind at Shakesville Hurricane Headquarters that I feel that I will be mistaken for a troll when I post comments. I have nothing truly imaginative to say, except that I want to keep blogging, so I must blog on. Please excuse my absence, and know that I am always thinking of the virtual world, and how I can improve it.

PS-Look at my teacher blog too.

Friday, August 17, 2007

I'm a nerd.

What Be Your Nerd Type?
Your Result: Drama Nerd

You sure do love the spotlight and probably have a very out-going and loud personality. Or not. That's just a stereotype, of course. Participation in the theatre is something to be very proud of. Whether you have a great voice for musicals, or astounding skills for dramas/comedies; keep up the good work. We need more entertainment these days that isn't television and video games (not that these things are bad, necessarily.)

Social Nerd
Literature Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Anime Nerd

Look at my other blog, I started work again this week.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Friday Dog Blog

This week has been a bit disgusting, what with my previous post and the troll invasion last night over at Shakesville's Hurricane Headquarters , so I feel it is time to lighten up with a little Dog Blogging.

Toby and Marci wander through a field as we make our way back to the cabin in the Santa Fe National Forest. They love it there, but they truly are city dogs. By the end of the second day they hop in the truck and rarely get out.

Marci is not a fan of the full face shots. I think she has been watching too much America's Next Top Model, so she shoots only in profile. (I think that she fears the camera will hurt her, much in the same way that she is terrified of the phone.)

That, btw, is my backyard, and almost all of that green consists of tomato plants. They volunteered out of our compost mix that we turned in with our garden, and now we are overrun with tomato plants. I can't complain though. I love tomatoes. Maybe next week I will do a tomato blog.

Cop Accused of Raping 14-year-old

This is awful. A young girl is left alone often enough to call an adult chat line and start up a conversation with a grown man. Now I know, teens should not be calling that service, and she lied about her age to do so. That is wrong, but how many lonely 14-year-old girls care about a little fudge about age? I didn't. This girl called up and had "illicit" conversations with men. How was she able to do this? Because women can call in for free, while men are charged a fee for the service.

Already, this smacks of some form of objectification. It is like ladies night in a bar, where the women get in for free, and get discounts on drinks, so that the men have easier "access" to them. It just kind of grosses me out.

So this girl speaks on the phone with Timothy Chavez, and she agrees to let him come to her house. Again, this is a stupid move, but 14-year-old girls aren't logical creatures. Someone should have been guiding her, warning her not to invite strangers into the home, but again there is a vacuum. (This is not to say that women are solely responsible for their own "protection" from men. Men should not be predators. But I was told from age 4 not to let strangers in the house, and I still don't, so obviously there was an absence of supervision for this girl.) She was home alone and Timothy Chavez, a 33-year-old former vice officer, came over.

According to the girl, she did not initiate any sexual contact with Chavez, but even if she did, any protests should have been honored. Chavez claims that she "seduced" him and that she did was "no typical 14-year-old" who lied about her age. How was he to know? Oh yeah, he's a vice cop, who used to bust underage drinkers in bars and at liquor stores. So he is fucking professionally trained to know who is younger than they claim to be. He has extensive knowledge on the subject, which makes him all the more sinister.

This poor girl can't seem to catch a break. Her own mother won't take off work to go to the trial because she doesn't believe her. She is in the camp of the rape apologists. Even if the 14-year-old girl did agree to have sex, she is not of age. She is a minor, without the capacity to make these types of decisions, especially against the expertise of a vice officer, who is trained to trick people. She was raped, and the only support she is getting is from her boyfriend.

That is right folks, a teen boy has more compassion than this girl's own mother. How depressing.

Now, I am all for the innocent avoid guilty charges, but the fact remains that Timothy Chavez, a former officer of the law, broke the fucking law. He admits to "having sex"=raping a minor. Whether or not she talks dirty on the phone, wears revealing clothing, has had sex before, or invited him to her home makes no difference. Those actions do not excuse rape, and neither should the mother, the jury, or this community.


Thursday, August 9, 2007


You Are 98% Feminist

You are a total feminist. This doesn't mean you're a man hater (in fact, you may be a man).
You just think that men and women should be treated equally. It's a simple idea but somehow complicated for the world to put into action.

I am a Feminist. Duh. What many people don't get is that they are feminists too. For too long the word has been demonized to mean something other than what it means.

My husband still believes that a feminist is an uber-dyke who has been sent to chop penises and annul all marriages. This view mainly comes from his father, who is not the most enlightened person in the world. This is not to say that my husband doesn't support feminist causes. He just doesn't realize that he supports feminism, because his view of feminism is skewed.

For example, my husband supports affordable birth control for all people, equal pay scales, equitable maternity and paternity leave, equitable parental rights, the right to choose what to do with one's body, etc. If you ask him about any of these topics, he will give a brief, "Well, of course that is right" answer and not think about it again. If you ask him if he supports feminism, he will say, "Um, not really."

This is sad, because it is indicative of how women's voices have been framed in the media and in conversation for decades (nay, all time). If we couch things generally, then of course they are good ideas, but if we talk about them being specifically for women, then it is questionable. Women need to be checked up on by men, and men need to control their destinies.

I really am trying to spread the true feminism (as I know it) one person at a time, while dispelling the myths surrounding the word. In that spirit, please go take the quiz and see where you fall. Some might be surprised.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

A Review of The Bourne Ultimatum

So I bought my tickets in advance to see the only movie that I will leave my house for this summer.

I am not a recluse, but I generally refuse to pay upwards of 30 dollars for my husband and I to see a movie when we can wait a bit and watch it in the comfort of our home. I can't stand to be trapped in a building full of people with no regard that they are not in their home. When I go to the movies, I invariably sit by all of these people; the woman with a bag of bags--crinkle crinkle, the man with the cell phone that must be answered and conversed on during the movie from his seat, the confused plot questioner and the person who explains it, the family with a three-year-old who can't (and shouldn't be expected to) sit through two hours without animation.

That being said, I knew I had to go see The Bourne Ultimatum on its opening night. I was giddy all day with excitement.

There are several reasons that The Bourne Ultimatum was high on my list. First of all, the previous Bourne films were phenomenal. The writing was intelligent and fast paced, the locales were authentic, the cinematography was gritty and intense, and Matt Damon embodied the reluctant hero role. He didn't quite fit at first, which is exactly how Jason Bourne feels through all of the films.

Jason Bourne does not want to be a killer, but he finds that he is. He wants to be a decent human being, and he knows that at one time he was. His "spy" persona is not one who revels in the death and destruction that he is sent to do by the government, a la Bond. The only use he has for his "spy" skills is to find those who have wronged him and ask them to make it right. Bourne does not even ask for death from all who stand in his path, unlike John McClane, but he will kill in life or death circumstances. Jason Bourne is not a misogynist, like so many action heroes. He had a girlfriend for parts of the series, but she was never used as "sexy bait" nor was she fodder for mindless sex scenes. She was a part of his life, and a partner in his healing. There are no glorified scenes of Bourne beating a "sexy" lady-spy, which is refreshing. And all of the women in the Bourne series are whole characters, not merely eye candy.

In this (most likely) final installment of the Bourne films, Jason Bourne is coming home. We are taken through several countries, beginning in Moscow and ending in New York, as Jason finally unravels all of the secrets of his past. I will not include any spoilers except this one...

this movie is incredible.

Although we go through at least six different countries, the director, Paul Greengrass, gives enough time for us to be familiar with all of them. Bourne exists in these places, but he exists no where. Matt Damon teases the emotions out, and does not go over the top with the one-liners (ahem, Bond, McClane), he is a character, not a charicature. Bourne is a real person, even if he has been created by the government, and it is Matt Damon's job to display the person Bourne was before the CIA changed him into a killing machine. He is remarkable.

Greengrass uses a camera technique that we are all familiar with, but I can't seem to name. To make us feel as if we are on the run with Bourne, there are almost no steady camera shots. This adds a sense of urgency to almost all of the scenes, but it also made me a little dizzy. If you have motion sickness, I suggest you sit at tht back of the theatre.

All in all it was an amazing experience. I am not going to divulge any plot points, or give any details about chase scenes (freaking awesome). I wish I had gone in with a cleaner slate, so I do not want to muddy yours up. Make sure your caught up on the first two Bourne movies, and then go to see this one immediately. (Beacause I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry can not have another top box office weekend.)

PS--Some say I might be biased, because I love a man who looks a little like Matt Damon, but you decide for yourself.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Maternity Clothes

So I ordered some maternity clothes the other day, and they came in yesterday. I have to say I am pretty disappointed. While it is a vast improvement over the tents with bows that I remember my aunts wearing, maternity fashion is just...well...not.

Some of you may be saying, "Go to a secondhand store. Wear some of your husband's clothes. Have you tried Target?" Those are pretty good suggestions, for "average" sized women. I am plus-sized (plus what, I'm not sure), and so I have to shop in limited areas when not with child. Now I am relegated to the online world of Lane Bryant Maternity, which is nice, but I really must try on clothes before I wear them.

For example, I picked out this very cute, flowey shirt, and when I put it on it was sheer, and showed way too much boob. Also, it was already sort of tight on my belly, and I have 4 months to go. This bummed me out, because now I have to ship it back and find something else that I want that will look that cute.

Now, I know that not all is lost, but it is almost time for me to go back to work as a teacher, and I need professional looking maternity clothes. I can fit into some maternity clothes from Target, and I feel lucky that I will be able to make due. But I am very frustrated that I can't seem to find a local store that sells plus-sized maternity clothing. I live in a large city, and there are plenty of other "speciality" stores here. This should not be this difficult.

To that end, and in following the Portly Dyke's recommendation, I will contact Lane Bryant about at least carrying some maternity clothes in its store here.

If anybody has any suggestions, please feel free to fill the comments.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Insurance Woes

So, I haven't had much time this week to blog. I had quite an event happen last weekend, and I am just recovering mentally from it.

On Saturday night, some idiot went off of the road three houses down. He took out a fence, a railroad tie, two large bushes, and a decorative yard light. He hit all of this without hitting the brakes, and he was only stopped by my BRAND NEW CAR.

I bought my first off-the-lot car less than a year ago. It is nothing fancy, but it is my graduation present. It is also a sedan, which is necessary in the parenthood phase of life-which I am quickly approaching.

My new car hit my brother-in-law's parked truck.

Background: My sister and her husband left the country on a mission trip. I was house sitting for them. I went to their apartment to water their plants, and noticed that his truck had been vandalized. Some brain-donor had tagged the truck bed, the tailgate, and the license plate. Feeling guilty for not sitting in the truck bed, I immediately brought the truck to my house to remove the graffiti.

Six hours later screech, smash, graffiti is not our biggest problem. And the truck was pushed into my garage door.

Thankfully, no one was injured. My husband had been leaning against the truck, smoking a cigarette. Had he not stopped to light his smoke, he would have been in between the truck and my car, on his way to the dumpster. I'll never be able to convince him to stop smoking now, "But Babe, it saved my life."

Now my life is buried in red tape. It is still summer break for me, so I get to dedicate each day to insurance bullshit without any interruptions. This is a blessing and a curse, as I am able to take care of things relatively quickly, but I also have no distractions to remind me that life is not always full of hoops of fire, through which I am expected to jump.

If any of you have any advice on what I should be doing to stay calm, please send it my way. For your pity, I have included pictures. :)

Here is the tagged truck. As you can see it is really crappy, but little did we know how crappy it was going to get.

My car is the dark blue one. It is actually not touching the ground with the back tires.

The brain-donor's car was towed away immediately. Our smashed vehicles were left in the driveway for two days before the insurance adjuster came to "investigate whether or not their client was at fault." Seriously. What the crap?

Friday, July 20, 2007

Dog Blog

I love the internets. However, I do feel it is quite cat-centric. I must do my part to make the internets a more dog friendly place. Please to first Dog Blog.

Marci and Toby love to nap together. They especially love my quilt and sofa.

Toby stares deep into the soul to ask, "Are there any more Meaty Bones for me?"

Caught in the bed, Marci merely sighs and returns to her slumber.

It is clear that my dogs have taken me prisoner. I may never leave the house again.

Fish need love too. Say hello to the one, the only...Spooky Fish.

Let us move toward more diverse animal loving (in a non-gross way) on the internets.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Purely Odd

So, revealing clothing is too sexual. Young girls need to cover it up and not be objects of sexual desire. Ok, I agree, to a point. Young women do not need to constantly be concerned with attracting young men. Clothing should not always look like you are in a music video. No argument there. But does covering up also have to relate directly to your sexuality? It looks like it.

The new trend is to "keep it pure." I'm not sure what it is, but I think it might have something to do with sex. Now don't get me wrong. I do not believe that it is any one's business what you do in your bedroom. Young women and men are free to express themselves as they please, and if that expression is to hold off on sex until later, then more power to you. I do, however, disagree with the mandate that young women must "dress pure" in order to "[reject] promiscuous 'bad girl' roles embodied by Britney Spears, Bratz Dolls and the nameless, shirtless thousands in 'Girls Gone Wild' videos."

I think that this idea of "covering up" is just another way to make women (and their sexuality) property of someone else. The Pure Fashion movement is focused solely on young women. It is their fault that men see them as only sexual objects, because they don't cover up their bodies. There is no "pure vision" movement for young men, in which the men might be taught to think of women as...I don't know...people. That would be something only a radical, lesbian, man-hating feminist would think up.

The point is, by telling women to cover up, you are still objectifying them. You are saying that they're at fault for the "impure" thoughts others have about them. In order to keep the moral fiber of the world intact, it is your duty to cover any part that men like. Because to do otherwise would make you a "bad girl."

Monday, July 9, 2007

Don't objectify yourself, we are the only ones allowed to do that!

Ok, so I am admittidly not a big fan of pageants. They are antiquated because they harken back to a time when women were only allowed to be propped up as playthings. They are chauvinistic, as they promote "womanly" behavior which includes...ok I looked for a long time for the character criteria for the Miss America Pageant, and I could not find it. It is some sort of guarded secret, or it is so well known that no one cares to repeat it, like water is wet.

Miss New Jersey, Amy Polumbo, is under attack for having photos up on Facebook. Her blackmailers claim that she is a disgrace to the Miss America pageant. She claims the photos reveal no more than the swimwear she is required to wear in pageants. So she is afraid that photos of her dressed more than she is when she is displayed on television might raise eyebrows? Who are the morality judges, the Taliban? And what is with the double standard? Keep covered, unless we tell you to take it off and smile while we rank you with digits.

And the descriptions of her used to discuss her "defense" are ridicooulous. She is perfectly coiffed, and unfazed by heat. How about her eloquence, her drive to get her story of being hacked out, her platform of internet safety? Those are overlooked because she is pretty, even in difficult times. This further proves that Pageants are not about anything but the swimsuit "competition."

And as for Matt Lauer's obsession with nudity in the photos, I think that speaks volumes as to why these pageants exists in the first place.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Shame Kills

While reading this story about a hate crime victim, I noticed something missing. They don't discuss the shame that is associated with any sexual assault. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network reports that every two and a half minutes someone is sexually assaulted, one in six women will be assaulted, and one in thirty-three men.

David, the teen from Texas, survived being beaten, sodomized, burned with cigarettes, and drenched in bleach. He testified at the trial of his attackers, who were sentenced appropriately. David lived through all of this only to leap to his death on a cruise ship.

The article discusses how David put on a happy face, but was often concerned with the fact that everyone he met knew of what happened to him. This to me is what is most upsetting. Instead of feeling proud of the fact that he had survived such brutality, or that he helped put his monstrous attackers behind bars, he felt shame. That shame probably did not come from the beating, nor the cigarette burns. That shame spread from the sexual assault.

Sexual assault survivors are often made to feel that they are at fault for their attack. This most often applies to women, who are told that they are asking for it by being at a party drinking, or wearing revealing clothing. Men are made to feel that they are no longer masculine, and that they will be seen as "queer" for having been assaulted.

This is why we need to stop shaming victims of sexual assault. They are not at fault for the deplorable actions of others. David did not deserve to be abused in such a way, and he felt that he could no longer live with himself because the public knew of his assault. When we quit blaming victims, they will be more likely to heal.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Independence Hangover

We ate burnt artichoke chicken sausages and salmon. We lit legal and illegal fireworks in my front yard. The dogs shivered in the darkened bathroom. We celebrated our independence.

I spent the evening angry at my husband. When we went to buy the fireworks he gawked at a Red Bull promo girl. Now, I am aware that my husband is only human, but I am also pregnant. I am only going to get bigger for several more months, and after that who knows what my body will look like. I was mostly mad because he could not understand why my feelings were hurt.

Then I got mad at myself. Here I am, attempting to create a human being, and I am concerned about my sexiness. How selfish. Then my anger turned to the media. Look at all of the sexy mothers-to-be on TV. Angelina was hotter as a pregnant woman than I could ever be, and I am trying to hold myself up to some strange standard. Not to mention that Angelina now looks as if she may be battling an eating disorder.

So I stopped being pissed. I started thinking about the health of myself and the baby. I started to feel sorry for those who always feel that frantic "I'm not good enough" feeling that I had for an evening. I began to be grateful that I have enough money to eat plenty of healthy food during my pregnancy. I was able to sleep soundly.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

General Pissiness

I like to blog about each part of my life seperately. This compartmentalizes my persona into several spaces. This space is for my irritation with things in the world.

As you will note by the date, it is almost Independence Day. I am quite sad about this because our government is stripping our freedoms away gleefully while most of us turn away to watch the fireworks and America's Got Talent. We may (or may not) have talent, but we don't have a free press, freedom of religion, the right to assemble. I still have the right to speak my mind, and I will do so until my last breath.

I am furious with the President for commuting the sentence of Scooter Libby.

I am livid at the Supreme Court for re-introducing segregation by default into our schools.

I am disgusted at the House of Representatives for not even discussing impeachment for fear of losing.

I am horrified at those who are running for President, because they are not willing to step outside of the "electable" zone and stand up for what is right.

About Me

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Farmington, NM, United States
Old enough to know better, young enough to change.